My Journey of Teaching and Learning
Although this may sound like a cliché, it is true that I feel like every time I teach, I am growing a little bit, especially emotionally.
I wouldn’t say I am a person with a high EQ. Quite often I get angrily easily when things do not go my way. When I get desperate, I cry. I feel like I am nothing, that I am worthless. Maybe I am not a confident person to start with. I remember very vividly the feeling I got when I first started tutoring younger kids for the first two months---- I felt what my mom, and probably most moms, feel when teaching and taking care of children, the desperation, but at the same time, the flush of warmth in your heart. I also can’t forget, that one time I was teaching, I got too desperate that I had to rush to the washroom, cried and calmed myself down after 5 minutes so that I could pick myself up in front of that mischievous, uncontrollable little girl.
A number of times I thought about giving up, especially when I noticed it was getting to me emotionally, even now actually. I care about it too much to separate “work” and life. To me, that is not really work. I care about my students, academically, physically, emotionally, etc. I wonder if they are having fun at school, if they are getting something out of school education, if they are happy, if they need friends, if they are eating healthily. You may think I am being paranoid. But I think all the moms out there can relate, except I am not really their mom. Though, I take this as my love and care for my students. That’s exactly my driving force to be better. To teach better, to be a better friend, and to be a better human being as a whole.
When time goes on, I find myself to have a higher EQ the more I teach. I take my time to breathe and to calm myself down sooner and easier when things get tense. I don't let my temper dictate me as much. I am also more able to utilise a variety of strategies to deal with kids who are not motivated, not cooperating or misbehaving, especially when I now notice that getting angry won't help with the situation actually. It usually makes it even worse and out of control. Instead of getting mad, I make it into a game. I try to be as supportive and understanding as I can be. I get to the bottom of their minds and their hearts. Before, maybe what I saw was a misbehaving kid, now I see more of it. Is the class boring for them? Are they sleepy? Are they tired? Or hungry? Did they have a bad day at school?
People around me wonder if I am having too much work that I don’t have time for myself ,and my health. That is certainly true, but I can’t give any of my students up. I can’t help but prepare more and more so that they can improve to the best of their ability, although I do notice how I don’t put enough love and care in myself. I am working on that. I am striving for the ideal I believe in, that being able to teach in a balanced and happy manner. I don’t want to become someone who works just for the salary and nothing else. I don’t want to become someone who lives to work. I certainly do not want to become a slave, a slave of work or a slave of the sick education system. I am unique, and to treasure that I can’t let my work drown me.